The Cosmological Expansion
I am not sold
On the idea that our universe is
Always growing.
A teacher once compared it to a balloon.
If you stick stickers on a
Deflated balloon,
Then blow it up,
The stickers aren’t expanding
Or growing
In number,
The spaces between them grow.
That is how the universe is growing.
It is not the creeping of space into a
Previously spaceless horizon,
It is the spaces between the objects that grow,
Like a brain,
The brain that expands with every throb.
The smooth organ wrinkles,
Not growing in size,
Growing in surface area.
It’s like a goldfish.
A goldfish with infinite room
To grow
Will grow
Infinitely.
The brain’s area is finite so
It just wrinkles.
And pushes against the skull that
Contains it.
Bone vibrates against its casing.
The skull beats twice as loud
As the heart
But not as fast.
It’s rhythmic,
The heart skips beats.
Is that arrhythmia?
Or just a hiccup?
Maybe I do believe.
I’m supposed to.
But it’s hard.
Sometimes I question
If I actually believe in anything
Or if I am just used to belief.
I am blindfolded
By belief
And it fills me.
And I want to testify.
And I haven’t blinked in three minutes.
And I hope I have a pretty soul.
And I wonder if God has ever had a case of the Mondays.
And I think that maybe I am more important than every other person on Earth.
And I know that I am as insignificant as everyone else
In this ever expanding
And limitless
Hot-air-balloon universe.
And when I think of how
Infinite our universe is
It puts my personal troubles
Into a little
Glass jar.
The universe
Is so vast
Unfathomable, ineffable
Some things aren’t meant
To make sense,
Like cryptocurrency
Or why laundry smells better when someone else
Does it for you,
Or why you won’t see me graduate,
Or my wedding,
Or my future kids.
Lots of things don’t make any sense,
Like why your tie keeps falling
Off its hook.
That tie stayed in place
for almost forty years.
It never fell.
It has fallen three times since you have been gone.
Is that a coincidence?
Belief would say no.
Somehow disbelief is more comforting.
Are you out there in the cosmos?
Or are you just gone?
Maybe you never existed.
Maybe none of us do.
How fucked up would that be?
If all this grief was for nothing.
If all the world’s pain
Was just for the amusement
Of some creature beyond
Our realm
Of understanding.
I sat in your favorite spot on the couch today.
I could swear it was still warm.
As I sat there I just thought.
I thought of how I used to sit
On the arm of the couch
Against you,
Smelling like kids’ 2-in-1
Shampoo
And the clove gum
You snuck to me
While I was in my bath.
And you told me that I was good,
I was really truly good.
I haven’t been good since then.
And all I know now
is that when I look up at the sky
I trace the stars that
Form the shape of a
Goldfish
And I know that you’re here with me.
Aurora Bullett is a Junior pursuing a B.A. in English at Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts in North Adams, MA. Her concentration is in creative writing, specifically short prose and poetry. Her work is set to appear in Oakland Arts Review, and she is always looking for more opportunities to publish her writing. When she isn’t writing, she likes to spend time with her friends and family. She especially loves playing with her pet rats, Merry, Pippin, and Sam.
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