Genevieve Richards

Pandemic Job Boom Recession

The ministry of truth has decreed it!
Due to economic factors out of our control
(and in the control of the group of the white men experts who decide it),
We are now entering a recession.

Pack your bags,
Don’t bother applying for jobs,
For surely you will be rejected.
(but don’t forget to reach out to your network! See: Five Other Worthless Pieces of Advice to Keep the Wealthy Wealthy)

Unfortunately, at this time,
We will no longer be moving forward with your candidacy.
However, we appreciate the time you took to complete our application.
We used it as toilet paper when we ran out during the shortage.

Speaking of the pandemic, it’s over!
Throw out your masks!
And pull up your boots!
Inflation is rising and it’s all your fault!

The ZuckEzosUsk administration needs more profits,
So, you should probably, voluntarily, quit.

We’d prefer if you packed your things quietly when you leave,
So as not to disturb our shareholders.
But remember not to quiet quit!
These lazy workers are hurting productivity.

Have you considered freelancing?
Surely there must be work for a freelance train conductor.
Back in my day, I took advantage of my whiteness free college government benefits resources,
So, I don’t see why you can’t do the same.

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Genevieve Richards is an undergraduate at Cornell University, where she studies Government and Information Science. Her writing focuses on hypocrisy through satire, growing up as a girl in a patriarchy, and the experience of young people today. She hopes you laugh with her, and occasionally at her.