“Home” Without You
it was terrifying losing her,
even more terrifying once I found out how scared I was here,
in my “home”
without her by my side to protect me.
people talked about losing animals
losing dogs
how hard it was going to be.
I knew once I woke up that morning it was over.
my sanity
in this household was gone.
it was hard to lose you for a multitude of reasons.
you were my baby,
you loved me like nobody else in this family had.
you gave me a reason to believe that adoption could bring more love than biological.
you were the one of two reasons,
for a long time,
that I came “home.”
you made me less scared.
I don’t know if you understood what they would say,
or just the tone,
but you would always be so upset when they’d yell,
degrade me,
break me down until I was nothing other than skin and bones.
your ears would whimper back and you’d lie by my side as they would talk to me,
lifting your head up so I could touch you
because that’s all you could do.
you couldn’t stop the words from exiting their mouths like razors coming to cut through my skin
slashing time and time again.
afterwards,
you would clean the blood with your licks.
eventually,
you numbed the pain with your soft fur and lulling pants.
no one told me how hard it would be to lose you,
to see the last breath escape your mouth
because I knew that was my last breath of sanity.
Lindsey Darnell is a freshman at University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, MI, pursuing a degree in English and a minor in medical anthropology on the pre-med track. She is hoping to become a cardiothoracic surgeon while continuing to write poetry books. Her poetry has appeared in American High School Poets.
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