The Beauty of Vulnerability
In mathematics, an outlier is an observation that lies an abnormal distance from other values in a random sample from a population. In a way, this definition leaves it up to the analyst or consensus process to decide what will be considered abnormal. Before abnormal observations can be singled out, however, it is necessary to characterize normal observations.
Of all my brown-skinned siblings, I was the darkest child. While my mother and sisters had mocha-brown skin that reflected the sun, I had a deep, chocolate complexion that seemed to absorb it. I could not understand why my genetics played this seeming joke on me. Though my large, round eyes often won me the recognition as a member of my family, my skin tone always left room for doubt. In other aspects, like my intelligence and humor, I had certainty I belonged; but with regards to my color, I felt the pain of being an outsider in my family and friendships.
For various species of flora and fauna, colors serve many purposes. From blending in with their surroundings to confusing predators to regulating their body temperature, colors are one of the vital sustaining forces in these beings’ lives. The most well-known example of an animal using colors to sustain themselves and their future offspring is the peacock. The male peacock uses their huge, colorful tail to attract peahens for mating. The brighter the colors on the peacock’s tail, the higher the likelihood of him attracting peahens.
Throughout my childhood, my number one dream was to be a peacock. To have that beautiful, bright complexion that would undoubtedly attract popularity, friends, boys, and happiness. Unlike the male peacock, I would not need to dance to further advertise my availability. I could simply use my bright colors to manifest the life I wanted right before my eyes.
As a dark-skinned girl living in a predominantly Black community in America, school was the greatest source of pain. My skin was a constant source of ridicule and mockery by the other Black students who were usually blessed to be on the lighter side of the complexion spectrum. I can recall one day in my fifth grade class when one of my classmates actually freestyle-rapped a few verses, expressing their disgust with my skin tone, ending the rap with “…looks like Laverne…” before being interrupted by their smirking friend who said, “She’s not that…” This Laverne character whom I was being compared to was actually another classmate of ours who had the misfortune of having by far the darkest complexion in school. This led to her being the butt of almost every colorist joke that was made. “She’s not that…” was in reference to my not being as richly melanated as her. At the time, I felt a wash of relief that I was filled with shame to admit years after. I thought: if I am not as dark as her, then I am not as ugly. I am not as different. I am safe.
A void in space refers to a region in which there are very few or no galaxies. They are the empty spaces that exist between filaments and/or large structures like superclusters, which are enormous galaxy clusters that are millions of light-years wide. Paul Sutter, a writer for Space.com, refers to these as empty regions, devoid of activity, as “the true deserts of the cosmos.”
Astronomer Richard Kirshner discovered the Boötes Void, sometimes called the Great Nothing, in 1981 during a redshift survey of space. The Boötes Void lies, appropriately, in the Boötes constellation, which hosts the fourth-brightest star in the night sky. Despite its wealth of amazing objects, the Boötes constellation has this extremely vast void that measures 330 million light-years in diameter. Within it, Kirshner and his team only found one spiral galaxy, termed the universe’s “loneliest galaxy.”
In my early teenage years, the pain and sadness that stemmed from my loneliness and isolation from others carved vast spaces in my happiness. I found that my desire to pull myself up by the bootstraps and put myself out there to meet new people was ultimately weaker than my desire to preserve my dignity and pride, and I closed myself off to the idea of forming new friendships and connections. I felt the pain of being alone acutely, and instead of attempting to mend the root of the problem, I believed I could do myself a great service by putting bandages on the bullet holes. To fill my void, I used food. Whenever I was alone, whenever I could get a break, whenever I felt the pain of solitude begin to creep in, I turned to what I believed to be my best friend. Rice, chicken, pasta, cookies, cereal, bread, ice cream; nothing was off limits, because the void my loneliness created inside me virtually had no limit. I would make my meals in private, bring them up to my room in private, and munch away for hours in private. Unfortunately, this did not have the effect I yearned for because, as my belly got fuller and my clothes got tighter, somehow the void got even bigger. It was almost as if the food was carving it out even more instead of filling it with all of its sweetness and nutrition.
At the University of Michigan Museum of Art, there is a painting titled, “A Visit to the Gallery.” This work was painted by Pier Celestino Gilardi, an Italian painter and sculptor, in 1877 using oil on canvas. In this artwork, we see three elegantly dressed women in a museum as they sit on a couch observing, with apparent delight, the famous classical sculpture of Venus de Medici attempting to cover her nudity. Incorporated in the painting is also a large, dark mirror, which shows the viewer something of what the women can see, but also strategically serves as a prop that reveals more of Venus’s gesture. Another visual witticism is the juxtaposition of Venus de Medici and the heavily clothed woman standing to her right in a similar pose; this works to imply that the naked Venus is a forceful reminder of the body hidden under all those layers of dress.
The nudity exhibited by Venus de Medici, as well as her fruitless attempts to hide it from those who gawk at her body as depicted in this painting by Gilardi, represents the vulnerability hidden inside the stoic young woman who stands beside her and is one I am most familiar with. This vulnerability manifested itself in my life every time I left my room with anything less than a large coat and baggy bottoms that effectively covered much of my body every time I spoke with someone face to face, and every time I raised my hand to participate in class. In each of these situations I felt my fears, anxieties, and insecurities slowly slip from the tightly secured place they rested deep inside my rib cage and come to rest on my chest and shoulders in plain view for everyone to see. I saw the action of sharing my body, feelings, desires, and perspective as an act of nudity: taking the covers off of the bed and revealing the white, soft mattress underneath. It is a nightmare shared by many who dream: I am naked in public.
When I was a little girl, I begged my mother to let me go to my older sister’s sleepover. I had never been to a sleepover before, and as most little sisters would agree, I wanted to do everything my older sister did. “Mom, she’s too young!”, “She’s going to embarrass me!”, “She doesn’t even know anybody there!” were among the various arguments my sister gave as to why I should not go. Looking back, for my sister’s sake, my mother probably should not have yielded to the desperate pleas of a spoiled little girl. But she did, and to my poor sister’s dismay, I tagged along on her sleepover. In the beginning, all was well: I was kind and well-behaved, and only embarrassed my sister to a small extent. However, towards the end of the night, issues ensued when a girl accused me of having insulted her. According to her, I called her fat and ugly at some point in the night. I had no recollection of this whatsoever and was incredulous to have my name associated with such a terrible situation. Even as she presented it to the other girls, I incessantly denied it, without even taking a moment to recall the events that transpired that night.
Interrupting all of the pointless arguing, the host of the sleepover suggested we all get together and share our feelings without judgment. The girl expressed to me her side of the story with thoughtfulness and honesty. Although I was still not completely sure of my guilt, or even my innocence, seeing her bare her heart to me touched me deeply and compelled me to offer a sincere apology that may have been the most genuine I had ever given in my short life. The vulnerability it took for her to reveal how she felt was admirable to me, and let me know for the first time that victimhood is not a one-sided coin.
In that situation, I realized that I can be Venus, but I can also be the three young women gawking and whispering about Venus as well.
In mathematics, outliers should be investigated thoroughly, as they often contain valuable information about the investigative process or the data gathering and recording process, and can even have a positive effect on statistical results. This can potentially help discover inconsistencies and detect any errors in your statistical processes. This stands true in almost all cases. Even if the outliers themselves are unaware.
Shereen Vernon is a junior at the University of Michigan – Ann Arbor studying English. Growing up, she has always had a passion for the literary arts that has only grown since her matriculation. Her professional goals after graduation include becoming a professional writer in the areas of self-help and life writing. Beyond academics, she enjoys attending church, going for nature walks, and reading for leisure.
